Why I'm Friendless
by Esile the Raven
Summary: "I need to talk to you here," "Alright, what could it be?" "First of all, I need you to know something about me." "Okay?" "I just realized that I hate having friends. They suck." "Are you trying to say that you don't want to be my friend, England-san?" This is a short story about the socially retarded England, the reason why he's friendless, and Japan who's a sage in understanding.


**Why I'm Friendless**  
><em>November 20th 2014<em>  
>by Esile the Raven, Hetalia by Himaruya Hidekaz<p>

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><p>Socially retarded would be the words to describe England. First of all, he had a lot of colonies—which mostly hated him—that eventually, ultimately rebelled for their freedom. When asked about this, the blonde nation would scowled, blushed, looked away and answered;<p>

"Well, how on earth am I supposed to know that 'friends' aren't people to order around?!"

Japan laughed nervously. Even being the only friend of England, he's quite sure he's not _that_ socially awkward.

"England-san, that's what you'd call...'servants'..." he patiently explained. "Friends are people who are there for you, standing equally by your side, and will encourage whatever you decide,"

England blinked, actually never really thought about what 'friends' really meant. Though the blonde had an issue about 'friends'. There was a reason why England had a lot of colonies—while not really understanding the princple of 'friendship'.

He realized why; it's when he looked at Japan, sitting by his side, hiding his smile behind his kimono sleeve. It reminded him of America; the urge to take care of Japan, to protect him, and to declare, "He's mine." The same went with other colonies, but mostly America. However, it was all in the past.

England was possessive.

Sitting there, being only 'friends' with Japan kind of itching his first-nature to proclaim a person.

Though, after Japan explained what 'friends' mean, England realized why he felt really empty after America was freed.

It's because his 'possessive'-ness wasn't returned. His feelings were rejected.

Now it's getting worse with Japan being all gentle and kind and 'friendly' to him, like no one else.

Because England wanted Japan to be _his_, and England wanted Japan to mutually answer the feeling.

~.X.~

"Oi, Japan! I just watched the Samurai training—it's soooo cool!" America chirped loudly and energetically as usual. England sighed, feeling the loudness was thundering his ear drums. Japan thanked the praise while bowing in respect.

"I'm glad you find it amusing. If it's not much of a trouble, I wonder if you would like to join our tea time, America-san?"

England frowned at Japan, shaking his head. America frowned at Japan at an entirely different subject.

"Japan~! Stop being so rigid, it's just me, your old pal America! Sheesh!" America laughed, trying to hug Japan with his large arms.

"Ah! Please don't touch me!" Japan hissed and quickly hid behind Englad. "America-san _hentai_!" he accused, flustered.

America laughed. "No, I don't have a hen! Though that'll be interesting!"

England sighed. "America, will you quiet down already? You know Asians have more Personal Space than you do," he scolded. "If you're to hug Japan, he'd be crying about being unable to be a bride, you fool."

"What!? That's so lame! Japan, you're still so reclusive!" America laughed. "Well, whatever makes you happy, dude!"

Japan sighed and got away from England. "Ah, thank you for understanding...I'm sorry for being lame, but this is part of who I am."

Japan and America always appeared to be close. They shared the same interest in odd things—almost everytime, Japan would agree with America's ideas. America seemed to be fond of Japan, wanting to show more of the beautiful world to the Asian nation. After all, America was the one who dragged Japan out of his shell.

England averted his gaze from the two, who were chatting animatedly. For England, it was Japan who broke _his_ shell and opened his eyes on what friends truly are. It was suffocating to see America reflected into those endless brown orbs.

"Dudes, c'mon, tea, right?" America elbowed England, following Japan.

"Yeah, yeah. But I'm only coming because Japan asked me!" England scoffed before finally following the two. It was quite horrendous to have tea with the two—he felt like a third wheel. America always had a lot to talk with Japan.

On the other hand, whenever England was with Japan, they didn't talk much. They talked about the weather, the seasons, the tea, and then a silence. Sometimes they talked about literatures, which both of them particularly shared a deep interest. Other than that...silence.

But that doesn't mean England didn't enjoy it. There was something about being with Japan; he didn't have to act tough or haughty. He didn't need to rack his brain to find a topic. He enjoyed just being there with Japan, in silence. It was comforting to know that Japan wouldn't look down on him—no, if anything, Japan respected and admired him.

Though compared to America, he...

"Hey, Japan," England called after America left the oriental house. "Before I go...Can I ask something? What is America to you?"

Japan was in the middle of collecting America's cup, and he paused midway. "Hm? Just like England-san to me, America is a friend, of course. Is there something wrong?" he tilted his head.

"Oh, not at all. Just curious."

England realized that he hated 'friends'.

~.X.~

Right, so there he was. He didn't make any appointment—he wondered if he should've done that, but he wanted to surprise Japan. England sighed, staring at the bouquet of roses in his hand. He had to say it, and whatever Japan would answer, well be damned. Maybe he would accept those feelings. Maybe he would look away and leave.

Maybe this is why England is friendless.

But then again, damn estimations. He's been surviving on his own all along, so rejection be damned.

Now, he should've brought that paper with what he's supposed to say...

"England-san,"

"Argh! State your business!" England snapped in surprise when Japan suddenly opened his door. "Oh, I mean, hello," he cleared his throat, and looked away while handing the bouquet. "I-I brought this for you. D-Don't get the wrong idea! I just came from Hong Kong and thought that I-I should drop by! It's not like I want to see you or anything..."

What is he doing! England mentally wanted to hit his head to the nearest tree. Japan smiled and happily accepted the bouquet.

"Why, thank you for being so thoughtful as always, England-san," Japan sniffed the roses. He smiled, knowing full well that the roses were freshly cut from England's own garden. "Do you want to come in?"

"N-No, I need to talk to you here," England quickly said, waving his hands. He stared at the pale Asian with a frown.

Oh, he looks so beautiful, it doesn't make sense. Isn't 'beauty' something reserved for females? But Japan is a nation, a beautiful nation with a manly spirit. It somewhat make sense and doesn't at the same time.

"Alright, what could it be?" Japan asked gently.

England inhaled, closing his eyes, preparing himself, trying to compose his stupid heart that was being as loud as America's gun. It's all or nothing. He opened his eyes and stared into Japan's eyes with determination.

"First of all, I need you to know something about me."

"Okay?"

"I just realized that I hate having friends. They suck. "

Japan's lips parted, hanging in astonishment and confusion.

"Are you trying to say that you don't want to be my friend, England-san?"

England sighed, nodding. "My point exactly. I hate being friends with you, Japan. Wait, what? Hold on, don't cry, I'm not finished yet!" he quickly grabbed Japan's shoulders when seeing the shorter male was tearing up. "I meant to say, if as a friend, I have to share you with America, then I want to be more than friends. D-Do you understand?"

His heart was beating loudly again, this time in panic because he's so stupid on choosing his words. Oh, why—it shouldn't be this way. He's _England_, he's the master of literature! He's the romanticist, how could he be such a retard on choosing his words?

England was prepared for failure, but not this way. Not from his foolishness of choosing the right words. Oh, for Merlin's pants. Why couldn't he just say that he loves Japan straight out?

He wanted to go home. Maybe get his _grimoire_ and turn back the time so that he could repeat this dumb conversation.

"I-I also feel the same..."

And with magic, he could probably re-do it. Maybe the next time he should remember to bring that paper...Wait, what?

England woke up from his mind and gaped at Japan, who was glancing away with red and teary face. He's hiding his lips with his sleeve.

England would be the slowest data processor ever. Maybe it's because Charles Babbage just started making the first computer. Wait, that doesn't have anything to do with this, isn't it?

Fine, for comparison, England had turned into Internet Explorer. Which was accidentally clicked. And then dared to ask you to be your default browser. And you rejected it. And the whole screen froze. And you would flip your table in frustration.

Okay, so using Internet Explorer also wouldn't work, considering the timeline is around 1902...

"E-Excuse me?"

Japan huffed before looking up into England's eyes.

"I also want to be more than friends to England-san!"

England pulled away, gettng a better look on Japan's flustered, flushed face. It was beyond beautiful, and it was _him_ who made Japan this way. He blushed as well, but slowly broke into a smile.

"Japan..."

"England-san,"

"Japan,"

"Yes, England-san,"

"Would you like to—"

"If it's being a colony or hugging or kissing, then I will have to think about it," Japan smiled, unreadable as usual. "Everything means _no_."

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><p>How I Lost My Colony: Harry Potter Version<p>

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><p>"Mr. Kirkland!" Kiku called in the corridor, seeing the pure-blood wizard was walking away, followed by the poor house-elf. "Mr. Kirkland!" he called louder while chasing.<p>

He looked terrible, dirty and he's sure to have Mr. Kirkland looking down on him, but there's no power on earth to make Kiku cared.

"Honda," Arthur scoffed, looking down at him haughtily. "I-I'm stopping not because I care, alright? I'm just proving that I'm not deaf," he crossed his arms. "What do you want?"

Kiku shoved the dirty, bloody diary to the older man. "It's a gift for you," he said daringly. "Actually, I'm _returning_ it to you."

'_A gift...?_' Arthur blushed, but then scowled. "I-I see...Hmph, why would I care." He turned away and began to leave, throwing the diary to his house-elf. "Come, Alfredo." He ordered.

But the house-elf was frozen in his spot when he looked at Kiku with his wide, teary blue eyes. Kiku nodded to the book. Alfredo blinked and opened the book.

To find a Care Bear boxers slipped in the pages.

Alfredo's eyes widened in shock.

"Alfredo!?" Arthur stopped in his pace to glare at his house-elf, who was shockingly holding a Care Bear boxers.

"Master has given Alfredo a boxers!" the blue-eyed house-elf gaped at Arthur, who gaped.

"Wait, what!?"

"Alfredo...IS A FREE ELF!"

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><p><strong>I'm so done. If you enjoyed this story, add it to your favorite list and leave reviews while you're at it!<strong>


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